| 19:53 |
[24 Apr 2009|01:17am] |
When you are in a conversation where you don't know what to say, it's amazing how some people, like me, can go on and just say the same things over and over again, just in different versions. In a 20 minute conversation I had with someone, who I had not intended to talk, I pretty much said the same thing continuously. I didn't mean to, but I didn't know what else to say.
I quickly realized- after the conversation, that I pretty much sounded stupid. But, in my defense, I didn't want the conversation to be taken on another scale, seeing as though, he is... kinda crazy. sorta, kinda, not really.
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| favorite. |
[11 Apr 2009|11:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 ecstatic |
] |
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| reasons for reasons. |
[08 Apr 2009|06:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 content |
] |
As a girl, I have the right to be able to rant about things. That includes everything from the horrible outfit I wore last week to the backstabbing people that I shouldn’t care about.
Regardless of what anyone says, friends are friends; whether they are close or not. What once was just is. Why does it seem like no one these days are trustworthy?
I was asked today, ”Would you not accept a complement from someone?”
I said, “No, probably not. It depends on the person, but I probably wouldn’t.”
He asked me, “Why’s that?”
My response: “Because I know when people are fake. And I know they are probably lying.”
I initially said it as a joke but after I thought about it, it’s kind of the truth. After the last few years, I’ve learned whom I can trust and whom I can’t. I’ve also learns what to trust and what not to trust. I guess if I got anything out of those years, I can at least take some strength and knowledge away with me.
In those years is when I made my mistake. I trusted the wrong person. I believed in the wrong person, therefore losing what was actually a very important person, someone that I really needed in my life. I have the chance to get that person back, but I’m also at a loss of time. I’ve filming all the time and doing pre-production, I barely have time for what friends I do have left. It just doesn’t seem logical for me to start something up when I’m basically plowing throw my life already, as we speak.
They say you are only young once, so take advantage of it. Is it bad that I’m focusing all my youth in my future? One might think that I’m crazy and that I need to have fun. Others may think that it’s okay and acceptable. And then you have those few people, who just think that’s me being me. I guess I’m good at keeping a distance from people, seeing as though that is what I did for a while. But, still, I don’t really know what that means: “me being me.” How do I know that I am really myself? It’s kind of a stupid question when you think about it. But it’s a question that I ask myself in more than one occasion. “is this really what I want?’
But I’ve realized that what I want is a dream. It is not real. It is just an illusion, if you will. I was dumb to think that I was getting away for a good guy. Obviously, you did fool me. But then again, “fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” Fortunately, I learn from my mistakes.
This goes for the ones that have my back, the ones that are my friends, and the ones that were my friends, honestly: “I’m sorry. I love you.”
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| film school guys. |
[21 Mar 2009|06:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 curious |
] |
As you go on in life, you have to deal with people. all kinds of people. Werid people, quiet people, nice people, mean people, and well, drug people. And when you go to art school, you get everyone, and some in between. In a school were you should be able to express yourself, you are faced with the decision of should I or shouldn't I.
In film school, we are here to make a name for ourselves, to start on our careers. In doing so, we are forces to work with people that you never thought you would be working with and you find yourself wanted to work with certain people. But one thing that is sure to arise, you will always work on a set with someone that might be attracted you. Especially when you are a girl.
Of course coming into it, I knew that this is man majority kind of work field. And it's not like I've never worked with guys before considering that majority of my family that I grew up with are mostly male. In fact, all but one was male. But why didn't I see that I am not gonna be treated the way that they treated me? Okay, so my family are guys, the people I have to work with are guys, difference? My family cannot like me, nor would I want them to like. Point is, I never thought that I would be put in that situation. I'm the girl who can hang with the guys, and think she is one of the guys, but I'm also the girl that is not looked at as one of the guys.
But is that what I want?
Do I want the guys to ignore the fact that I am a girl and do all the things that they do? Or do I want them to as that person that "can't touch anything?" Thing is, no matter what, girls are known for not being able to or not wanted to do any hard work. Also as the ones that "only get by because of their cute smile." True is, I don't want to be known as that person. I can't just sit there and do nothing, I feel the need to keep people out. Does that make me boyish? I just don't want to be useless. If you are fine having others do things for you, then that's fine with me. I just don't.
What I'm trying to say is that I want to be seen as a girl, but treated as a person, in some sense. Ha, the things I have to deal with in film school.
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| stupidity. |
[08 Mar 2009|11:15am] |
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mood |
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 okay |
] |
I don’t take guys too seriously. I understand the whole concept of “just because I like you, that doesn’t mean I can’t like someone else.” Right. But just because you like me, doesn’t mean I have to like you back. That is a fact.
Liking someone does cloud your vision sometimes. People tend to do stupid things when they “like” someone. It’s kind of the way of life. You like someone, which means stupidity. But, of course, some people don’t think straight.
If a girl says that she doesn’t like you back but she wants to be friends, that doesn’t really mean go ahead and talk to her about the other girl you like. That just makes you look like a douche and it makes you look like you are trying too hard. At least don’t do it too close to the time that you tell the girl you like her. I’m not saying there are feelings, I just saying you look like a douche. And if you are trying to get some kind of reaction from the girl, then you are just an idiot.
I suggest, stop toying with people. I would hope that people would have enough respect for others to not do that, but hey, can’t please everyone.
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| compatibility. |
[27 Jan 2009|04:26pm] |
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mood |
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 inspired |
] |
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music |
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crush // david archuleta |
] |
You can read all those articles in the magazine and online saying "if you are this sign and your partner is that sign, you guys are/are not compatible," but who's to say that it is true, or if it is even real?
It's funny because although not everyone can see it, there really are reason for everything. It may not be the reason that you want to hear, they are reasons none the less. There are reasons why people end relationships and take over relationships. There are reasons why people are friends, and why other people try to ruin those friendships. There are reasons why people trust you with secrets and reason why people trust you with an important project, even when you, yourself, don't know if you can handle it. I guess we can consider it a test. Everything in life is a test.
We don't see it. We sometimes don't see it til it's too late. But everything that happens, everything that we do is to make us learn to be better than what we are. Now, we can choose have some many things happen and never realize that they reasoning behind it, or we can take what is thrown at us and learn from it. That is your choice.
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| resist. |
[18 Jan 2009|12:17am] |
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mood |
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 enthralled |
] |
How can you resist that moment when every problem is washed away, or that feeling that everything is just right? The moment doesn't come everyday. Instead of looking for more, try cherishing that things that are right in front of you. Who am I to say, what is a memory or how things are supposed to feel. But I know that if you have something good, take a chance. Sure, you might not know what the outcome may be, or if you'll get hurt, but some experiences are worth the smiles, and laughter, and maybe even the tears.
I'm a strong believer in "everything happens for a reason." I may not see it all the time, and may even fail to see it in some situations, but I honestly think it is true. People walk in and out of our lifes everyday for different reasons, what matters are the reasons why they stay.
Why did you have a conversation with _____ for 3 hours about absolutely nothing? Why did ______ care some much about how you felt? Why don't my socks match? There are explainations for everthing, whether you know the answers or not.
Take each day, exactly how it is, one day at a time. Tomorrow is always going to come, it's always going to be there. Why worry about what is going to happen tomorrow when you still have today. : jessy
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| unwind. |
[05 Jan 2009|01:05am] |
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mood |
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relieved |
] |
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music |
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You Found Me - Kelly Clarkson |
] |
I'd like to feel the way I used to. I'd like to feel like the simple things were possible, like happiness was right around the corner. I guess it's the hopeless dreamer in me that always tries to look for the better in all people. And I honestly wish it was still that simple. The world isn't going to just move on without me, so I have to make some kind of step in the right direct.
Now, I can only do what's best for me. I can't dream up other people's lifes. I'm trying to find the things that made me who I am again. Why art is what I love. I've been making excuses for not exercising, for not expressing... me; when really, it's because the time i once had, simple went away. Yet again, another excuse (to an extent). If it is something I love, I need to make time for it.
Like school, I have to find the good in it; what it is that I love. At one point, I can honestly say that I did like school. Yes, it's draining, but I like the busy-ness, right?
I live my life by every second; and every minute, there is something that I need to do. Whether it be driving on the free, stuck in traffic, or maybe in class, for like four hours, our filming, or planning, even sleeping, somehow, feels like a task, in itself. It just feels like if I'm not at work, I'm at school; not at school, I'm shopping. Not for fun stuff though, for things that I need, necessities. There are always deadlines, and time constraints and issues that arise. I feel... kinda lost it them.
I have to break out of the cycle, every once in awhile, to be able to say, that I am human, and I might even have feelings. (Even if that may backfire sometimes) It's nice to be able to spent time with people that understand you. Sometimes, it feels like there is no time to step back and relate to those that might care; maybe i might even have friends.
I need to slow down and take some time for myself, let feels soak in, let me know I am still living. Because burying all your feelings and fears and situations underneath a busy schedule doesn't work for very long. Sure, I've lasted the year doing that, but that doesn't mean that I'm really okay. It just made it easier to to have time to talk to people about what's really going on. Having the time to sit down, gave me a reason to sit down and contemplate, and I wasn't ready for that. Having nothing to do, allowed me to think about what else needed to be done. And to stop that, I always picked up something else to do. I just learned the hard way, that you really cannot cover up it up. You can only push something aside for so long before it becomes something you need to face.
In the real world, you have to have, or at least, grow a thick skin. That's just they way things are. You need to learn to deal with certain situations, though uncomfortable, that need to be taken care of. You cannot push it away. There will be sacrifices, hardships, and pain along the way, that is just expected. Not everyone is going to agree with you, and not everyone is going to like you. Honestly, what is the harm in trying? If you want to be a scientist, or a writer, or a doctor, or a photographer, what's really stopping you?
There are always going to be people that are going to try to tear you down, and make you feel like crap. Just prove them wrong. You have to do what you feel in your heart is right. As long as you know your heart is in the right place, maybe the pieces will fall together once again.
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| The Keys to Your Heart |
[06 Nov 2007|06:37am] |
You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.
You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.
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| school again. |
[19 Aug 2007|08:58am] |
i started school on thursday at the Art Institute of California - Los Angeles.
so far, my classes are good. i'm taking computer application & photography. and i'm only going to class from 7:30 to 11:20, tuesday - friday. so it's not too long. i like my classes. i just have to learn to keep away fro procrastination.
I made a couple of new friends, one that actually lives close to me. so that's pretty cool.
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| a little note that i'd like to share... |
[23 Jul 2007|11:27pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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so my brother comes into my room in the morning and says, " dee, let's go eat breakfast. i have to leave soon." so i go, i'm getting breakfast, and then... there's no more rice. how sweet of him.
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[11 Jul 2007|03:47pm] |
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mood |
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touched |
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"I guess what I am getting at is that... What I admire the most from you is that you let people be who they are and you make sure to say the right thing to make everyone feel welcome and comfortable... You put yourself aside for others even when it hurts you so that you can spare their feelings... That is a great trait to have, it speaks maturity and growth... I would like to be more like you in that aspect. Don't change because the world is ugly... We need your attitude more than ever."
-grace
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[27 Jun 2007|02:44am] |
| [ |
mood |
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curious |
] |
i'd like to know what i would look like if i was a cartoon.
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| fat lip |
[27 Jun 2007|02:36am] |
| [ |
mood |
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awake |
] |
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music |
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avant - wanna be close |
] |
gameboy advance ds
camera whoring
day with cousins
lovely people
drama
videogames
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| 8 simple rules... |
[05 Jun 2007|03:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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blah |
] |
... for dating my teenage daughter. hehe. i thought this was kinda funny and cute. for those over protective parents.
The rules are:
1. Use your hands on my daughter and you'll lose them after.
2. You make her cry, I make you cry.
3. Safe sex is a myth. Anything you try will be hazardous to your health.
4. Bring her home late, there's no next date.
5. Only delivery men honk. Dates ring the doorbell. Once.
6. No complaining while you're waiting for her. If you're bored, change my oil.
7. If your pants hang off your hips, I'll gladly secure them with my staple gun.
8. Dates must be in crowded public place. You want romance? Read a book.
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[03 Apr 2007|05:06pm] |
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"The only reason why people hold onto memories so tightlyis because memories are the only things that don't change, when everything else does."
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| What is Your True Element? |
[23 Feb 2007|09:01am] |
Your element is Shadow: Indifferent, unusual, gentle and a complete mystery. No one tends to know quite what to think of you because you camouflage your emotions so incredibly well, almost as well as your thoughts. You are unpredictable in that no one knows exactly what your going to do or what your capable of and you've made sure they never will. You are quite the wallflower but deep down inside is a kind and very intelligent person. You are capable of love but unless you let some light into your shadowed life you'll have a hard time with your relationships. People are a mystery only because they all seem too superficial, you would rather be somewhere else. Away from all the noise, perhaps putting your feelings into a form of art. Such as writing your feelings into a poem or journal, or perhaps painting a picture. The shadows make you feel comfortable and you don't like to step outside your comfort zone or let anyone else in, the spotlight terrifies you. You are truly a mystery.
Take this quiz!
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